Deja Vus, and other stories.

Yesterday I read and napped and found two people to cover shifts and biked and stretched doing amateur yoga (needed now after biking now I am getting strong muscles!) and I had a desire for the ocean, (though it was too choppy and crazy for little cook-ey me.) I left Molly at home so I could walk slowly, and let my bones soak up the static hum of the constant waves, I meditated on the rocks and the changing clouds like smoke signals. Searched the debris of civilization for patterns, the concrete rip rap like huge concrete runes flung and stuck in the sand where they landed.







Billy at Tioga with the board Barney shaped, that Billy painted


it was choppy but beautiful




After our evening at the windy Tioga avenue where the clouds were morphing above us fast as the churning waves we met Barney at English Ales, where they each have their own mugs. I had three Big Sur Pale Ales and crumbling veggie sandwich and fat french fried. I don't remember the last time I had french fries! Barney is building a train car for some mean rich guy and is having brass casting problems, I actually knew exactly what he was talking about with my dental lab experience. I said I can help, I have blow-torch holding experience! Barney put his gum on the edge of his mug and everyone stared at it when there was nothing to talk about.



Last night I had a dream I picked it off the mug and chewed it.
Also dreamed that I was in a pale blue iceworld, I was with strangers from the past in I don't know, like Neanderthal time. I looked around, we were in these crazy animal skins and fur, I was as fat as a seal from it, there was primitive but well done stitching throughout my warm coat. the boots! Ugg boots on PCP, I was walking in a line, we were traveling, through a gorge of pale blue ice, we were walking quietly, I could tell we were going a very long way, IT WAS SO BEAUTIFUL. I heard barking/howling, got scared for a second thinking of the coyotes, but when I turned in the direction there were gorgeous fluffy white and gray creatures, at least a dozen wolves. Wolves! Wherever I was I didn't want to leave, it was genuinely peaceful and lovely. THey were just passing through too and were curious about our line of humans like walking walruses. We were in a larger pack than they so they didn't try and intimidate us .Oh, it was beautiful. Then we came to a clearing, there was a sand box type of structure, but no sand just ice and dirt, things were melting now. There was someone in it on her side, shivering, wearing only a pink tank top and black pants. She was shivering violently, like she was going to die, or seiszuring. I walked to help her, and was shocked to see, that it was me. In my outfit I usually put on straight out of bed or the shower because I'm not a robe person but a yoga pants person. I grabbed me and rubbed my arms to warm me and tried to wake me up. It creeped me out more than anything to not be able to feel, even though I was in the form of someone else, I couldn't feel the hands trying to warm me, smacking my face trying to make me waken. Then I was in my normal body, waking up, and saw people dressed like Inuits walking away in a line with wolves play calling far away. What was that? I have to remember that dream, the beautiful ice. Must remember and write about that dream when you wake up. I watched them walking away, amazed, and wishing they told me what they knew, what they saw on their journey

when you want more than you have you think you need;
when you think more than you want your thoughts begin to bleed

-from Eddie Vedder's 'Society'

went to bed at 7:30. Got up at 6:45

Billy is still home, Haven't seen him since I left the house early Saturday and he was sleeping, his grandpa Bill died yesterday.



This was taken at his 84th birthday in April, he was born on Santa Rosa road on his family's farm and had polio in one leg but it didn't stop him from taking over his father's Perry Auto successfully, he had three kids, loved cigarettes and sweets and got up early everyday to hang out at the shop on his stool long after he was retired. In his young days he fought many a man at the bars who flirted with his wife. Rest in peace Bill.

Started the day paying bills and figuring accounts out.

I have a massive amounts of things to express but I'm feeling clogged. writing, collaging, photography, sewing, ain't really satisfying enough, I need a canvas the size of our apartment walls and new music. I got the music part, at work there is an African music cd I got.

Bought extra light ash blonde hair dye but I've already changed my mind about the color and want to exchange it. I had a dream I was rubbing oils in my hair and it was long again, and I really was happy I grew it out, but when I woke up my hair was short again

Covering a shift tonight at the Marina store, that's one I haven't worked at yet.

My neck is killing me