Deja Vus, and other stories.

Going out tonight. Can you believe that? Finally, thought, what am I waiting around for. Cheeah invited me out, I work with her, and worked with her when I was hired the first time. Goin' to the Crown to meet her and others. Billy usually goes out for beer with the surf bros in the evenings, I said guess what I"M GOING TNIGHT TOO! said oh, you going out? maybe I have time for both. Ha! And I took the Sue for her afternoon bicycle ride, and I rearranged Stuff & Things, and I had a cocktail, and I burnt sage, heavenly sage. I sewed some shirts but that didn't satiate, am gonna shoer, shave, plucking of the eyebrows, putting on of the makeup, painting of the nails---and sit in the garage to read, because that is the only corner of the house that gets light beyond 9 a.m., and I've always wanted to do that, watch the ice cream truck roll by with the flashy rims. Beneath to the right of the black widow against the ceiling, to the left of the bikes, with Molly tied up and laying on a blanket, and Simon strutting his stuff down the driveway. Then, I'm going to wake up because I will fall asleep in the perfect warmth, unless the fog rolls in early. I love days off.

my pewter bridesmaid dress


Simon, mid-meow. My truck in the cultasac


The view of the Mexican market that I will miss from my Starbucks


Tropical weather lately, weird. The sun setting over the Fort Ord Dunes by the sea


Billy caught no fish last night but I envied his perfect weathered evening at the beach, I closed with Jen; Billy and I took Molly for a night walk and I got to bed late, the sun woke us up this morning---- no fog? What kind if June is this. Laundry is going, reggae is on, got my coffee and peanut butter toast, I shall clean and then got to work at noon, and Barney is coming over tonight, Billy is going to cook fish tacos with fish from our freezer from the bay.

I feel FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Did my best work on a lecture exam yet :)

got $54 for my anatomy book. take it back, please

The Sue is huffing and puffing and bored, not long before she goes into my sock drawer and drops socks at my feet. Layers of weather out there, I need to dive into it. Later when Billy gets off, we'll do our newest ritual of walking along the shore with our dog and the fishing pole until the sun goes down, if we are able to see the sun

The other night I had a dream I punched this annoying guy I work with in the face. Then there were buffalo in my parents' yard. Then our news lady (2nd urgent dream with her: first one; she sat me at a kitchen table and told me something urgent I forgot, and behind her a doorknob was made from the breast of a cadaver with a chunk cut out of it as if it had breast cancer) was telling me: Don't you hear it!?? LISTEN!! You must hear it!! It sounds like.. and she made a sound like the pipe bomb that woke me up out of another dreamworld the week after Jeannette died---which woke me again now, It was terrifying and left me feverish from a nightmare, unable to sleep after 2, and all day I was dumbfounded at my bruised cut knuckle; I probably hit the wall in my rough sleep. I told everyone I worked with that morning how I couldn't get that dream out of my head, but I only told them how I punched someone and had bruised knuckles.

We saw the coyote that dens up by the blue heron, the three of us were walking to the memorial and back, I turned around to see where Billy was (he was deep in awe of the baby hawk in the two-storey-hawks' nest about where her body was found) and there it was the reddish beauty who was the fierce bitch protecting her kid that day when she gave me that awful sprint hyena howling at us. She stood about 15 yards from me, still, staring, curious, and then I screamed for Billy because I was about to panic because there was no Molly, no Billy, and no golf club, but after I waved my arms she started to go into the bushes where I disturbed her that time, and then Billy arrived and chased her deeper into the woods. I collected more heron feathers on our way out. I stopped brushing my hair for almost a week and then thought my friend wouldn't like to have a half-dreaded bridesmaid in her wedding so I brushed it again. but the wild calls me I tell you, everything calls me lately

things are a blur, I am fatigued
sorry I have been nonexistent here I will be back by the end of finals.
I will throw up when I receive next months' credit card bill, and I still haven't gotten every fall schoolbook and I still haven't gotten my friend a wedding gift or paper for the darkroom~


SOON
Billy's parents visit this weekend
Finals end June 4th
We go to Colorado: Lori's wedding on June 14th
My Starbucks closes on the 19th
My 26th birthday on the 29th
Work
work
work
to try and pay off ridiculous credit card
draw
print photos
build website
School starts at the end of August




FALL 09
Beginning Algebra (finally!)
French 1
U.S. History 1
History of Western Art 2
16 units

Refugio Beach, Santa Barbara











Hot wind blew in the evenings. Dolphins popped up and looked us in the eyes. Billy and me slept together outside so we could fall asleep watching the stars. We kayaked, we snorkeled, we walked, I crew, I took pictures, we ate meat over oakwood every single night, we had beers and fritos and vodka infused fruit cocktais.

I got stung by a bee in my fingertip and it swelled up and was hard to wrap around the paddle kayaking, the dogs got off and ran away and then found again, Molly broke off her leash to get a dog who looked like a coyote, and bit Tommy, and broke out of the tent at 3 a.m. to chase a skunk who sprayed her and out tent and we poured Trudy's bloody mary mix over her and almost died of painful nausea and gagging, we had to throw away our pillows and luggage bags because it went through the tent. We spent half a day in town doing laundry and buying a choke chain. Molly was a crazy post traumatic stressed out depressed dog camping :/ I was horrible, burned throat and nasal like onions and rotten garlic and hair permanent mixed together and I got sick to my stomach, it didn't smell like skunk at all, just horrible.


for the other hundred pictures go here!


http://www.flickr.com/photos/9621192@N02/page6/








*

Wednesday was our 3 year wedding anniversary. I didn't know HWY1 is open again, we could have gone to Nepenthe but I was working and Billy was working. Anyhow I got orangey roses and we exchanged cards and I made some good asian stir fry. Last night he surfed Big Sur at Fuller's and had the scariest waves he's ever surfed, the biggest adrenaline he's ever had. He says one side of the highway is barren from the fire and the other is green, I can't wait to see what our hikes look like now.



Explored a new zone of Fort Ord we hadn't been, Fort Ord is so bizarre.



Came across abandoned campgrounds and playgrounds, and Molly chased a pretty deer into the thick poison oak we didn't see her for awhile and started to get worried because there were so many coyote shits with whole squirrels in them. We didn't want to get itchy so we put her in the back of my new silver truck with Simon's paw prints stamped all over the bed.



Saturday we had belated anniversary drinks on Alvarado street and then watch the amazing 16 year olds from Michigan do cool things on bikes. It's the Laguna Seca races weekend, which brings in super hot Australians that us baristas who don't get out much gush over later in the back room.





In the middle of their performances a loud sound hung out, a pack of Harley's and their real bikes; oh the looks on their faces and the sold out kids tearing it up. Billy said it was just like when the long board old school guys paddle up to the short boarders with ADD. Then we went down the beach because we never are on the beach together anymore, and then we had coffee and desert at the place that has free music downtown.



Sunday Morning it was still overcast, dark, wet. I tried out my new Asics, running on the rec trail dodging bicyclists, Molly chasing me, pulling Billy on a skateboard. We went from the Monterey Beach Hotel through seaside to a road that goes into Fort Ord and back, and toda my calves and butt HURT

I love running, I love the drizzle on my face, the silk ocean smell.



We ran into Linda and her dog that used to bark all the time next door to us on English, who moved into our place when we left, and still has to deal with that horrible woman we had to sue to get back our deposit.

Then I almost died of period cramps, one week late punishing me for not eating very well this month, took a shower, Midol and a nap with Molly Sue beans. Then I covered a closing shift

A beautiful lady with a black leather motorcycle jacket came in with her grumpy rich husband who only would let her have one brownie bit but she got three anyway. I admired her little purse, even though it took lots of Midols and Becky and I were both in bad moods I was trying to remember things from the Joy of Living. I served them and went back to scrubbing the oven, and later when they finished she placed the bag on the shelf inside the counter and said in a charming accent, she wanted to give it to me, maybe it would bring me luck. It made my night, even though I felt like the homeless guy in that Elizabeth Taylor perfume commercial where she gives him her diamond earrings and says, "These have always brought me luck," in her accent.

The sun is finally poking through warm enough that I can spread my schoolbooks out on my sun tanning towel in the backyard. The crows and jays are fighting with each other noisy and defensive, the traffic of crows with twigs hanging out of their beaks. In the winter I feel my German half come out with pale skin and dark hair; and all the rest of the seasons, the Italian half of me worships the sun and tones up just from it's energy.

Disturbing dreams but waking up I made up the best line of poetry! And now I can't remember it!!

Dreadlocks were a nice hibernation for my vanity. They were nice ropes for me to hold onto mental goals, they were a nice sacrifice to the nature I was hoping to root my soul to. It did it's job. But this light short hair, I feel new, shiny and rested, destroyed the past of it in order to fully appreciate it.

The neck and shoulders still in pain, I have my yoga mat by the bed so first thing when I wake up I do five minutes of the Sun Salutation, which is painful at first but only five minuets I feel 10 times better.

Billy's going to Lompoc today, but will be back tomorrow